| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2004|09:30 pm] |
A Poem Novel
Smooth as polished silver love;
She was once golden like the first and only pure sunrise.
She takes her repose in the garden of the living,
and the pure, and for her soft skin, new and already worn, it seems the living grow.
To spite them, she falls through the shadows again.
Redemption falls behind with electric bills and broken faucets.
Squeaky sneakers stain the kitchen tiles and wide eyes trace their path, blinking and turning away.
She sits at the kitchen table with a poem that she began when she was twelve.
A pen in her left hand, poised to apply another word;
And she juxtaposes each as an artist, and tosses each in as casually as another pill.
Cross-legged on the bathroom floor, she pulled the mirror down with her.
She stares at the twinkling eyes that greet her and the skin, still worn and young.
Oh, but she was so young.
As she sits she wonders why the house is empty now. And why the mirror in her hands is broken.
Blots of red stain her hand. But that is a lie; she was never an artist.
She stumbles back to the kitchen; she was always a clumsy one.
And the last few lines are mumbled, and although they are not juxtaposed or tossed on any page,
She knows they are the only ones she has ever really written.
They wiped the footprints off the kitchen floor with the red cloth of her shirt.
Silver or gold? But she never finished the race... |
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| Seasons |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|02:13 am] |
In it’s defense, the melodrama that flows with the bitter winds of autumn
is not quite enough to drain the fragile life from the world.
That is to say it is far from a killer of life,
though it’s feeble blows at nature weaken a world in the mist of it’s
never failing post summertime numbness only to make way
for the crystalline delicacy that is the winter.
There is a certain fortitude that has been established through winter’s icy stare.
Feared by only those who suffer it, the lonely winter brings company to him in the night
by way of ensnaring those other lonely creatures of the night and engulfing them in
a cocoon devoured by frost
He will be insidious and he will be cautious and he will bring you recollections
of frozen friends and early sunrise.
The winter will be yours.
And so the vernal queen of roses shall awake.
You may place your trust in her warmth and her imitation, but never cheap, love.
There is, of course, the matter of the rain, only the purest of purity’s forms.
They are the showers from April’s lovely cheeks and the life for nature,
in all of its evanescence.
The life-giving chlorophyll paints life in shades of green.
It is the season that was once yours, stolen with your childhood
The march of the cherry blossoms ends, bidding farewell to our may queen
Summer comes into your life with its good intentions.
(May you lead me to hell?)
Every night it’s the brightest sunset since you were children, eating popsicles on the front porch.
In the end it’s that collision that does you in every time. |
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| your face |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:13 pm] |
The gloom outside has sucked me into it’s
Uncontrollable command
The orange brown leaves crunch, bringing my mind to
Untamable suicide
Leave with your memory,
Take away your grace
I never asked for mercy,
Just to see your face…
Just to see your face again
Raindrops drown my
Crying eyes
Old love letters fill the
Stormy skies
Do not give me mercy,
Just let me see your face…
The skies grow
Slowly clearer
My fears grow
Slowly nearer
Hold me, hold me,
Hold me close
Break away from your
Empty shell
Set me free from this
Broken love spell
And I’ve had enough of mercy,
Just let me see your face… |
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| yesterday |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:13 pm] |
Yesterday, you asked me if I felt your hand,
Holding onto mine
Yesterday, you asked me if I felt one with your soul
Floating freely in the clouds
The answer I know now
But I dare not tell
In case I am tempted to lie
The whispering streams know it
They feel it in me
The clouds soaring in the sky, erupting in pain
Are one with my emotions
I know you’re very much together
With everything and everyone
I feel I’m very much alone
The distance between me and the world grows
I don’t know what I’m doing here
I don’t know why I came
I am not one of you
You see it in my eyes
Don’t pretend you can’t
You’ve felt it in my heart all along
Or are you blinded by your emotions?
Can you truly pretend you don’t see what I feel?
Most people don’t accept me
Most people shut me out
I can only be alone
My destiny lies in the solitary companionship of myself
I see it in the water
I feel it in the sand
A deep force penetrates my soul
Pushing me into the very core of me
Where I can shut out all of the world
Where I am free
So how do I know,
You ask?
How do I differentiate me from you?
I feel.
I feel it in my soul. |
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| when the light dies out |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:12 pm] |
When the light dies out
And all the troubles take over
And there’s no way out
You’ve gone far past the point
Of no return
Touch my hand one last time
And let yourself go
Down, down, down
But if you feel
That all you see is light
When joy overtakes your world
When fear has been
Overcome by love
Do me a favor and
Tell me how it is
And when you see me
Standing on the sidelines
Waiting for a turning point
Unto the later of my life
Take my hand
And just be with me
Because I never asked
To be alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:12 pm] |
Is the price of unconditional
Love
Too high?
And would you forsake your
Emotions
Just to live
Just to breath again
And give it all away
To someone who can’t feel the pain
And so you won’t suffocate
And so I won’t suffocate
Will you trade all your goodness?
For a breath of fresh air
And would your forsake your
Emotions
Just to live
Just to breath again
You would give anything not to feel
What they feel
And you would give anything
To be like the others
But when you’re down on your knees
Things don’t get better
And when you’re up on your feet
The world won’t stop spinning around you
And I would forsake all my
Emotions
Just to live
Just to breath again
Is it wrong? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:11 pm] |
The feeling of the gun on his head
This isn’t the first time
But this is the last
The life of a football star
Honor student
Everyone’s idol
Not for long
Treading on the lines of death
Much easier than living in the darkness of life
And now he steps over the line
He steps over the line
Which side did he go onto?
A small boy stands at a grave
Blinking away the tears in his eyes
Three words slip out of his mouth
And may those three words be a saving grace
And in the end,
I forgive you. |
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| stony feelings |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:10 pm] |
The stony path reflects your
Stony silence
And the bird can sing
Though your song is crushed
And it plays a broken chord
Through your heart
Softly, the humble rhythm
Overcomes your mind
Forces feelings on you
And though you can’t be strong
Your toughened heart can’t be fragile
And forever weary,
Forever wandering
Your soul may escape through the
Cracks in your shattered heart
It can be wrong
You can’t be right
The world plays a tune in your
Abandoned tea cup
Telling tales of defeat,
Of lilacs wilting
And the sky tearing apart
And when you’re alone
You really are
Now there’s not a song that you
Can’t hate
And there’s not a word that makes
Sense
Skipping rocks in a rippled pool
Yearning to skip away
Sinking into the abyss of your
Dark pool
And there’s not a word that can
Save you now
And there’s not a tear that you can
Feel |
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| softer |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:10 pm] |
You play your music louder
To drown out the pounding of your thoughts
And you ride the euphoria
Taking you up so high,
Bringing you toward the edge
Taking you so close that
You see hell’s gates
And then you pull away
And then you drift back
Where you’re real again
And you’re scared
And you’re alone
You want to go back there
To tread the line
Just one more time
You don’t believe the unbelievable
Not anymore
You don’t have compassion
You’ve thrown it away
You’ve traded your innocence
For maturity
You’ve traded all your love
To be jaded, by choice
And is this the end
Of all dreams? |
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| painting with puppets |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:09 pm] |
A mess of emotions
Devoid of heart
Devoid of soul
Like an amateur painter’s work unfinished
Dabble a bit here,
Sprinkle some there
Watch the puppet show unfold
Pull this string,
Will it hurt?
Pull that string,
Will he cry?
The painter bends his hand
Across the canvas of chaos
His hands bring strength
To crush the weak
His hands bring pain
And suffering
On and on
The puppet show plays
And life itself
Never fades away |
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| once upon a time |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:09 pm] |
Once upon a time,
There were dreams that never died
There was light that never failed,
Ambition that always deepened,
Strength that never weakened
The storms always ended before the sun set
And the sun always rose before the dawn of a new day
Beauty never faded
And happiness fought its way through the darkest of shadows
Those days end now
The sun has set before the storm’s end
Today I sit and wonder why
Wonder when good let us down
And I know that throughout the years,
The sun left a little reminiscence
Proof that good still does exist
There will always be light
Always prevailing hope |
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| lost in the pastures |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:06 pm] |
His love looks warm to you
A soft cloak of pretense
It protects you from life
It keeps you from decisions
Shields you from your mind
Don’t you see the others?
They flock around him
As sheep flock to their shepherd
The sheep are happy
Of course they are
But they are blind to life
Blinded by his love
Where is the free mind? |
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| life is a paradox |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:06 pm] |
You’re trapped in
a deadly paradox
Did you know?
Could you see it?
A blind man turns his
watchful eyes toward the world
Vision is blurred by your
Truth
And what if
What if you could
See?
Lies and truth
Are naught but pawns
Says the man
His dark cloak reflects upon your
Light outlook
What say you,
When the time is gone?
And maybe it’s too clear
Maybe it’s wrong. |
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| hanging on |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:04 pm] |
Sparkling, shimmering
Hiding, relentless
Jagged and sharp
Confined, molded to fit the expectations
Yearning, striving to escape the flames
Dangerous, rhythmic
Turning, pushing away innocence
Corrupt and menacing
Let it go, set it free
Pulling out, pushed back in
Caving in
Reaching out, trusting
Hanging on
(note- dedicated to Kelsi) |
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| from the inside looking out |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:03 pm] |
Though my lovely looking glass,
I see the world outside
I see the ugly home I have
I see my faker side
Who kidnapped me?
Who trapped me in this place?
Who placed me here?
Who trapped me with this face?
All this I see,
All this I know
I realize it all now
Still I must not go
Still I can not leave here
Still I’m lost
Still I can not face my fears
The water’s growing deeper
I see it coming nearer
Please save me from this fate
I can hear my heart much clearer
Still I can’t get out
Still I remain
On the inside looking out |
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| for you |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:03 pm] |
One violet for the tears I’ve shed
One lily for your soul
One rose for the hearts that have bled
For you
For you
For you
I wish
I wish
I wish
To be new again
The compassion leaking from my heart
I can not feel once more
One violet for the years that I’ve spent
One lily for the dreams
One rose for the light
For you
For you
For you
I wander
I wander
I wander
The empty fortress of my eyes
The forgotten terrain that is my spirit
Back into your arms again
One violet for the hearts that are lost
One lily for the absent smiles
One rose for the pain
For you
For you
For you |
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| ambience |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:02 pm] |
Ambience, ardency
Trying to fill the empty spaces
With empty hands, empty embraces
No one can let go
And no one’s alone
And everyone is lonely
The light shining reaching out to others
Does not reach them
So close ourselves
Lock the door and push them out
And everyone’s alone again
And everyone is lonely
Will more love fill the spaces?
Push in more of your
Empty embraces
But we’re all lonely
We’re all alone in the cold
Will it end? |
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| still life in layers |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|02:01 pm] |
There was an original design, a sketch in the notebook of eternity
A background in quiet progression, the beginnings of a masterpiece
And then began the detailing
Dark markings filled the translucent tranquility and it was complete,
One still in a life of many layers
We turn upon a new leaf.
You nod, noting the colors, the contrast, and a pure essence of beauty
And frown, pretending you see through the dark
Your eyes graze the surface of the art, the layers of time
Today, you believe that you understand it all
That you have it all
And though you feel it’s finished tomorrow, you still can’t remember why
The painting was even begun.
Pack up your pastels, resign yourself from your
Contribution in the painting of the masterpiece
Of time
And now you can stop feeling the need to feel
Does your heart beat softer when it is clouded by hate?
Do your tears burn less when they are for yourself?
Resign yourself to painting the beauty of the flower
Although somewhere
You still believe it’s not a flower if it doesn’t hurt
There are others who paint diligently, adding light to the world of dark
But now you’ve forgotten how to care
You’ve traded your heart, heated to the boiling point
For a lukewarm heart, bereft of any further pain
Still you wonder if a lukewarm heart is a true heart at all and lukewarm does not
Warm your soul in the coldest yet of summers
And your heart is bereft of pain, but you can feel the cold crushing you
You’ve given up on this still life
But your heart, once painted in pain, still beats through the coldest of summers |
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| spin out of existance |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|01:58 pm] |
Spin out of existence
Let the last drop of loneliness slide down your shining hair
Let the ecstasy drive you
And it will drive you away from here
Laughing, calling out their names forever
Spin into the void, away from your soul
And you reach out toward something a little less lonely
Push away your hungry cries for acceptance
And finally feed the craving to be crazed
But it’s never lonely enough for your tears to dry
The stars in your eyes can’t hear your wishes now
Shielded by their surrendering glaze
They’ve all renounced your love by now
They all renounced your soul
So touch a hand to your chest in loving memory of your heart
Magic petals fall from blue skies
Let them lift you, let them hold you close and shake you up again
Circles around your eyes and circles in the dust
Forever turning, forever going
All we want is something forever.
Spin around until the dizziness overwhelms you
Spin around until you shatter
Fragments of a life once full of hope spill to the remote corners of time
You rush to the hospital, empty doctors turn to you, frowning
“We’re sorry. You can not be mended.”
You are the ashes by the fire
You cling to the light, hoping for some heat to fill your empty winter
Jump in, but you won’t feel the flames eat you up
They laugh as your hollow cries for help go unanswered
Can’t you see it?
“We’re sorry. There is no more hope.”
So you drown in a sea of humanity
“My apologies, the world let you down again.” |
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| ode to snow |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|01:57 pm] |
A reminiscent p r i n c e s s trapped in her mind
Old battles, lost and won play their tunes through her s c a r s
Graceful, b e a u t i f u l, forever floating
Completely at the will of her c a p t a i n
Until she l o s e s control and she is
f r e e
Everything here is g o o d through her eyes,
Now retrogressed to an i n f a n t i l e state
Only to look at the s t a r s through those eyes...
But she is floating d o w n and she does not
See the stars who whisper their c o u n s e l s
She t o u c h e s the ground, the weak, the naive, young princess
She touches the ground and she f a d e s out of existance
Still, do not w e e p for our fragile princess
For though she o n l y lived one day
One day l i v e d is a call for celebration and
Living an eternity v o i d of life is a call for remorse |
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